Bar Buddies
by The Canadian HoneyBadger
Summary: A humor oneshot don't take it too seriously. I was depressed after that godforsaken episode 25, rock on Maes, rock on dude... A drunk Ed and an even drunker Envy who doesnt even know gender he/she is. Mustang should have never taken Ed drinking NOT YAOI


I just want to say I am not gay.

I just love screwing with Ed and pre episode 25 Envy (after episode 25 I want to less screw around with his mind and more kill him.)

To anybody who says Envy is supposed to be a boy that's incorrect.

Envy's power is to completely transform into other things. And that is just ITS favored form. It's true form could be something else entirely meaning we might have no idea what that gay homunculus looks like.

Seriously though… what kind of guy dresses like that!

Shut up Haku you're a girl and I refuse to believe otherwise!

Anyway I don't own anything here!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Drinking wasn't a good habit…especially for a fourteen year old state alchemist. He was first taken to the bar by Mustang who at that time was drunk and wasn't thinking to clearly. He didn't want to go but Mustang had ordered him and Ed did have to follow orders. Of course Ed got piss drunk and he started drinking a lot more.

Now Envy had always enjoyed alcoholic beverages. He didn't have to eat or drink so she only ever did that when there was something made for other reasons then to fill you up. Alcohol was made for getting yourself so drunk you forget who you are. For homunculus it was paradise, until the hangover that is…

That was how the two met at small bar, Envy herself had dealt more of Gluttony's whining and was sick of it. Scar had left for his journey with the other refugees. And Ed was nursing dislike for people who kicked him in deadly situations. Repeatedly… as in the minute he says something he got kicked.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey…you know what shuksh?" Ed asked the bartender his eyes crossed and his cheeks red.

"Moronsh who fuck with alchemy thatsh whad!" yelled Envy who happened to be sitting a few meters away. He was a product of alchemy and- well crap she needed more.

"Yeah! I mean who the hell…Who…Who the hell…who in their right mind ushes their own daughter to make a chimera? A complete asshole thatsh what!"

"Why do alchemists want to screw with lifffeee?" wailed Envy who was near tears at this point her cheeks really red

"Eshactly!" yelled Ed happy somebody got his point they also seemed familiar for some reason. Maybe they were friends from a past life!

"I like you! wash your name?" Envy said oblivious to the fact she actually hated the robed boy in front of him.

"It'sh-..E- uh I can't remember" Ed said delighted for some weird reason

"I can't Eisher!" Envy said laughing with Ed as they continued to languish in their beers

"Hey are you a boy or a girl?" asked Ed

"I…don't…know…" Envy said pausing to himself.

"Well find out shilly!" Ed chuckled and nearly fell out of his seat.

"Oh yeah I forgot I could do thad" Giggled Envy who promptly checked

"I'm a Chick!" yelled Envy appeared happy that she was a girl. Ed was completely wasted at this point was surprised.

"Really! I don't believe you!" shouted Ed whose eyes were slightly crossed at this point.

"Yeah *hic look!" At this point Envy took off her top and Ed laughed whilst turning even more red.

"Yur funny I know how to make ush un-drunk with Alchumey!" Yelled Ed eager to impress his lady friend

"WOW! Show me!"

"Hmmm"

"Show me! Show me" Envy started chanting and Ed relented…after all what's the worst that could happen!

Ed clapped his hands together and their eyes came into focus and they're cheeks turned to normal and their alcohol streams got some blood back into them.

Silence as Ed stared at the girl who apparently hated the very air he breathed showed her breasts to him.

Envy eyes widened and inside she was having a panic attack.

"…"

"…"

"ARRRRRGHHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHHHHHH"

_Fin_

HAHAHA my sick mind really enjoyed writing this he he

Everything that was in between the * * were author comments.

I might write a 2nd chapter but for now I like this how it is!


End file.
